
To be together is an accident of location. To be committed to each other and to the things you make together is a marriage.Photo by: Garry Knight
The inconquerable Janet Bloomfield (better known as
JudgyBitch) has offered up
five reasons no man should marry and
five reasons every woman should.
I think anyone weighing these questions should take them by turns to never-married, divorced and still-married octogenarians. Life-long resolutions are easy to contemplate until you have to contemplate them for twenty-thousand days in a row, but the only ones among those elders who will be surrounded by people they love, by now, are the ones who committed fully to their marriages.

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My own take is simple: Marriage is worth it – if not right away then eventually, once you both work out how to get it right. I wrote a book called
Father’s Day about how men can be more completely married – better husbands and better fathers – but the question that book begs is the one Bloomfield is asking: Why would anyone – especially a man – get married?
My five reasons:
1. To dance as one can never dance with anyone less known.
2. To soar together as only two together can soar, each the other’s other wing.
3. To know so well, to trust so completely that you can be your whole self for her, and she for you.
4. To love so fully that your love-making seems to be its own private bubble in the plenum, and yet to love so enduringly that the two of you are always making love to each other, together or apart, awake or asleep – and someday with one of you dead and gone, still the love will live on.
5. To build those things – a home, a family, a life of meaning – that can only be built by people committed to their love for each other.
To be together is an accident of location. To be committed to each other and to the things you make together is a (more…)