How do you live happily among people at war with all joy? Cultivate indifference and press on regardless.

If you can learn to think of your ego as something you must always love and honor and revere and burnish until it seems to glow of its own light, you can make yourself immune from other people’s ugly behavior.Photo by: Kevin Dooley

I wrote this in a comment on one of my videos:

Inlookers: If you’ve written something I’ve ignored, with an effort you might-could guess why. If you have a serious issue to raise, raise it. If you want to try to silence me or cow me with your disapproval, stop it. It has zero impact on me, but it soils your own character enduringly.

That’s the precise self-adorationist position on ad hominem attacks and other weaponized fallacies: Cultivate indifference and press on regardless. Other people’s bad behavior only becomes a matter of my morality when I choose to behave badly in response. Your choosing to soil your self dirties mine not at all. I grow by pursuing my values, not by wrestling in the mud with your vices.

It is also the best way I’ve found of implementing the second rule of The Church of Splendor: I am not arguing with you. If all you want to do is pick a fight, pick you nose instead. I am not arguing with you.

But that sort of thing is easy to say, and you may think it’s some sort of posturing on my part. It’s not. I live this as a daily reality, waxing and waning with the distractions of mobbed-up minds, and I’ve lived it for my entire life. This is a question that came to me a few years ago, and it seems worthwhile just now to revisit the topic of cultivating indifference.

I guess my question is simply this… How do you do it? You lay your heart, soul and ideas on the line and so often have them thrown right back in your face. And yet everyday, I wake up and see that you have written again, unscathed and unabashed.

Without intending to be flippant, I don’t notice things like that. In any sort of reaction to anything (more…)

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No Nork nukes yet: Is James “Kill ’em all” Mattis an amiable spy in the house of malice?

Donald Trump is an Id pretending to be a Di. Because he is pretending, he is beyond easy to manipulate, and he insulates himself from that risk by being capricious: You can have Trump’s ear until you either bore or upstage him. Mattis and his Dc generals are perfect fits as courtiers: Walking cornucopias of fearful drama with very little Incandescent need to rob the president of his precious limelight.

James Mattis is Dc, and so are all the generals he has surrounded our Prom King president with. That has scared me since his appointment, since Dc is the most-efficient killer in the DISC deck.

Killing is not what Dc’s should be doing, mind you. Their role in the world of commerce is precise productivity, from back-end accounting to tool-and-die making. But put one in charge of an artillery unit and sparks will fly.

The best generals are Ds, but in a Ds world military leadership is an as-needed job – and Dc’s are master millwrights.

Mattis worried me simply because of the heightened homicidal need that Dc’s bring to the world. We talked about amiability with respect to marriage and other relationships. The opposite of amiability is irascibility: How much does our interaction anger me? How much does our ping-ponging anger make things worse? And how badly do I want to kill you when you block my access to my values?

I don’t know that any but the truly outraged actually wants to kill anyone, but I know we all feel that way when we’re not getting what we want. That’s actually predictable from your full DISC profile – where in a frustration loop the homicidal need will come out. Meanwhile, as you might guess, the more amiable you are, the less irascible:

But, of course, wanting to kill someone is different from getting the job done. Ci yearns to kill almost everyone all the time. That’s what all the simmering rage displays are about, summoning lightning bolts and conjuring up detailed smitations of the wicked. But to do real work, not just abstraction-juggling, you need real D, and, accordingly, the best killers among (more…)

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Do you believe in magic? Love is made from its own shared and mutual propitiation!

Love is shaling.
You don’t get it, you earn it.
You don’t give it, you produce it.
You don’t share it, you make it – but only together.
The product IS the process, so without that, there is nothing.

Photo by: Hamza Butt

What are you missing? Everything.

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The origin of character: You chose to be who you are before you knew you had the power of choice.

“Why, yes, I am working you. How’d you guess?”Photo by: Mysudbury.ca Ouisudbury.ca

My taxonomy of kids is Infants, Babies, Toddlers, Children. Infants snooze, Babies observe, Toddlers participate and Children converse.

Children are awake – persistently volitionally self-conscious of abstract conceptual self-consciousness – and hence are adults in every way but accrued experience and sexual maturation.

Younger kids are not awake, and the bright-line division between Toddler and Child is the blinding epiphany that is the birth of consciousness of the self as an abstract idea – as a distinguishable self-referencing concept whose processes and progress can be thought about, remembered, anticipated, planned, dreamed about or dreaded.

So far, I have not seen anything that I would swear is evidence of DISC in Infants. But it shows up bright and clear in Babies, both the cultivation of DISC behaviors by the kid’s grown-ups and the kid’s own steadily-more-practiced propitiation – shaling – of the rewards consequent upon exhibiting that behavior.

Empathy is predictive behavioral modeling: I’m trying to figure out what the other guy is going to do next, so I can figure out what I might do in response. The habituated behaviors you exhibit to your kid are the gradually-more-reliable proxy signals he uses to identify and deliver back to you the behavior he thinks you’re eliciting.

When a Baby works out just this much – how to respond to you appropriately – the smile and giggle loops amplify charmingly. Toddlers toddle, but the birth of participation is here, when Babies start giving back in reliable ping-ponging interactions.

What we have at this point is proto-DISC: The Baby has worked out a reliable empathy strategy for getting positive attention from his grown-ups. (Everything we’re talking about works in the inverse, too, in abusive situations, but I want to talk about normal upbringing here.) More than one grown-up – or older kid? More than one strategy. More than one response-seeking game from one or more up-bringers? You do the math.

Babies learn very quickly how to get their emotional needs met by exhibiting reward-propitiating behavior – by campaigning for affection.

That’s DISC, aboriginally, a reward-seeking strategy the (more…)

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The persistence of grinding: ‘The Founder’ on Netflix is a fun business movie about family.

I wouldn’t call ‘The Founder’ a benedy. More like a docu-drama – with Dogberry.

The business model stuff is excellent, Shark Tank with a plot.

The family dynamics is right up my street: Ray Kroc builds an empire while breaking up two marriages: His own (Di divorces Ic) and the de facto marriage of the McDonald brothers (Cd and Sd).

If the screenplay was not written from DISC, it might as well have been. I didn’t care for Kroc’s adultery, but I always find Di’s easy to root for.

Michael Keaton played Kroc as Dics, which I would expect is correspondent: More C than S on the bubble between the two. That’s the Ironman profile, the turnaround manager.

He also played Kroc as being more and more drunk, so Keaton’s vestigial inner-Dogberry came shining through.

I’m a hard sell for anything but true benedy right now, but I watched ‘The Founder’ twice. I liked Keaton’s Kroc enough that I stopped at the earliest imputation of adultery the first time, then found myself drawn back to it despite that.

That’s rave-worthy from my point of view: Art is the stuff that won’t turn you loose.

Here comes the weekend. ‘The Founder’ is no date-night movie, but it’s an interesting yarn with a lot to teach about marriage.

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Prometheosophy: I own all of philosophy, and I’m giving it away to everyone – for FREE!

Everything I say lately seems to both encapsulate and elucidate everything else I’m saying: Ds failed against Dc then, but Di can beat Ci now, then deliver the goods to Ds.Photo by: Faris Algosaibi

I think I have everything – all-the-way corralled if not yet all-the-way branded:

I think I own philosophy.

I’ve thought that since 2012, and I think I was right then. I think I’m a lot more right now, and I have grand plans about where things might take me from here.

This summer has been especially fecund, but every day seems richer to me than the day before: I’m learning so much so fast that I don’t even bother to document most of what I’m overwhelming poor Cathleen with – and even she is not getting the full daily payload.

DISC-my-way is the game theory of humanity. I’ve said that all along – since way back in the misty depths of 2014 – and I’ve demonstrated it every way I can think of since then. I keep getting better at making those points, I think, but what I’m getting even better at is simply seeing DISC in real-time.

I can narrate the mothertongue politics of every interaction while it is happening. I can DISC anyone on sight, many to all four priorities, and then I can predict where in an interaction the conflict will erupt. I can tell you in detail – and for three or more generations of descendants – why Dsci is a better profile for a father than is Dsic.

I don’t have a file of things crazy people say, but, even so, I manage to say a lot of the things crazy people say.

Like this:

I think I understand humanity so much better than anyone ever has that the most appropriate statement I could make on the subject is to scale it:

I understand humanity.

So far, no one else does.

I’m not special, just early. Reality was here all along. But reality has been here the whole time I’ve been talking about this, too, and yet I’m the only one who has been talking.

I think that’s a mistake – (more…)

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Sister Mary Elephants all the way down: Why the victims of Ayn Rand end up so bitchy and repressed.

It’s funny that Ci’s insist that DISC cannot be true with pitch-perfect Ci fit-pitching – but that’s what Ci’s do when their compliance displays run up against defiance.Photo by: Isengardt

The Ayn Rand Institute has been paying special attention to me lately. I’ve been on their radar since I started picking on them for being champions of the worst of all genocides, abortion.

(Ci Blind? If you just had a rejection reaction – dismissal by scoff, grimace, wince, etc. – you just might be at war with reality.)

But they’ve really tuned in since I started telling them precisely why their lives are so miserable, their romances so unsatisfying and their nurseries so barren.

They’re all Ci, of course, and big-O Objectivism is a Ci Blindness cult: You are accepted – and acceptable – to them and to yourself – to the exact extent you deliver the expected Ic displays of compliance in response to the implacable Ci compliance displays of anyone above you in the hierarchy.

As we just saw with James Damore and Google, every compliance display is in fact simply a demand for either fear or fascination in response, so there is actually nothing of either mamalian empathy or abstract human conceptualization in play, nothing but those two purely-reptilian currencies.

In that respect, there is no such thing as an authentic big-O Objectivist: It’s all a Kabuki theater of Ayn Rand-imitation. They can’t officially know anything she didn’t know – which was a lot, starting with her own ugly Ci habits of mind – and they cannot permit themselves to say anything she wouldn’t say.

Which leaves them sputtering about me, as you might guess. I’ve told them several times how I’m putting them on tilt, yet they can’t stop themselves from tilting away anyway. Poor Yaron Brook hasn’t had a settled gut in more than two years, and I can only imagine what Pope Sneakoff is hearing from the donor base:

“You talked me into killing all of my children and you turned me into an hysterical, vituperative repulsion-bot?!”

That isn’t happening, of course. Ci Blindness is its own best protection against (more…)

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What the upside of integrity? “The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone.”

James Damore, the now-fired Google engineer, fought Ci with Di. He lost the battle – but he won his own soul, while all the cowards around him lost a little more of theirs.Photo by: Rendy Cipta Muliawan

Remember the kid’s story, “Who bells the cat?”

They re-enacted it yesterday at Google.

The mouse lost.

Ci versus Ci, of course, so the higher-status compliance display won. As we’ve discussed, you can’t fight Ci with Ci.

The best part of “Who bells the cat?” – and of Henrik Ibsen’s “An enemy of the people,” which is quoted in the headline – is the saga of the brave and solitary hero of the all-but-hopeless rebellion.

That would be the Nazarene – or Luke Skywalker – or a zillion other brave and solitary heroes.

The worst part of those kinds of stories? The cowardice of the mob.

James Damore, the now-fired Google engineer, had plenty of supporters within the company. Mostly men, some women. Just no one with any balls. As usual.

A choice is Driven when you are prepared to walk away from everyone else to pursue it.

It is Incandescent when you are prepared to be seen as no one else is willing to be seen.

How can you tell when it’s both?

Look for a striking display with lots of room around it. You may not be stronger just for having stood-most-alone, but you will be plenty lonelier. Cowardice loves company, and it loves that huddled, supportive companionship far, far away from courage.

How much is this like the sacrifice of the Nazarene? And if it is, which community is to have been healed by this holy atrocity? Keep in mind that the original telling of “Who bells the cat?” is about reconciliation with subservience – Winston Smith learning to love Big Pussy.

This is a holiness spiral, so the details don’t matter. What is being defended is not some body of ideas but the social status of the idea-embodiers: “You dare to question my authoritah?!?” Ci civilization is a Cautious tyranny because escape is blocked under Cautious control. Accordingly, acquiescence to Ci tyranny is expressed in Incandescent displays.

Translation: Whatever your authentic (more…)

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Feeling supervised? Hunted? Haunted? Hounded? I think you’re in a Ci state of mind.

A Ci life is Narcissus in the hall of mirrors: Your preening fakery alienates you not just from self love but from all love.Photo by: Axel Rouvin

When I was young and stupid, I used to think totalitarianism had an insuperable cost-control hurdle: The problem, as I saw it, was not just Juvenal’s quandary but that each prisoner in a police state would impose an overwhelming burden in overhead and staffing expenses. Plus which, innovation leapfrogs regulation, so I used to say, “They can’t enslave us if they can’t catch us.”

What’s wrong with that analysis? It assumes that the guards and the prisoners are different people. “Who will guard the guardians themselves?” What if you could get the guards to do it to themselves? Continuously. For free.

Each prisoner his own guard! Now there’s a manifesto for the totalitarian age. “Constable, incarcerate thyself!”

But the twentieth-century totalitarians couldn’t manage that. They gave us The Big Lie – forcing you to mouth known lies to demonstrate your subservient compliance, then changing the Big Lies all the time, to spotlight any deviationism. And they gave us Political Correctness – self-selected full-time volunteer Big Lie-enforcers. But as every brave act of anti-totalitarian defiance demonstrates, human beings cannot be ruled from the outside.

But they can be ruled from the inside…

Who is most-totally enslaved by a totalitarian creed? Not its victims but its victimizers. They need the doctrine to rationalize their ever-newer, ever-more-gruesome emotional wounds – the proceeds of seeing themselves behaving monstrously in their service to the dogma – but they need it simply to feel right about themselves. What they are, by then, IS the doctrine, and what they must police most vehemently is their own deviation from it.

Suppose you have a moral ideal. And suppose you say you subscribe to it in every particular. Guess what I know about you? You don’t measure up. How do I know that? Because no one who claims to subscribe to a moral ideal ever manages to live up to it in every detail.

So now what? If your moral ideal is a religion, you and other (more…)

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Love husbandry: Marriage dies by the snarl – but it thrives in the light of a loving smile.

A good marriage makes everyone better: Thriving seeds ever-more-abundant thriving. You breed by breeding, but you breed your ideas with your good example, too.Photo by: Hamza Butt

Picking up from yesterday, let’s put a finer point on what we’ve learned so far.

So it doesn’t get lost, here’s the big news:

I can quantify love and marriage.

I can troubleshoot and optimize any social relationship – but so can anyone else who works my way.

What matters most in the pursuit of human thriving is that you and your best-beloved can work together to get better at being best-beloveds to each other: You can get better as a couple at being encoupled, better at best-beloving.

Better egoism through practical ontology. How cool is that?

So we looked at every potential DISC cross yesterday, even though many of those are unlikely as marriages. The active pursue the passive, the dominant lead the submissive – pins poke cushions – so most marriages, both better and worse, will be D or C men pursuing S or I women.

O, sweet mystery of life: At last I’ve found you! Green is the color of thriving, and those green marriages are full of love – and full of loved ones. Looked at that way, you can see the goldenrod as a sort of weediness – and the red as barren turf.

Urf.

Still, if I’m right about the relative amiability of DISC profiles, a distribution like this is going to fall out: Kind people make the people around them more kind, cruel people more cruel. This is obvious, of course. It is worth reporting only to make it that much harder to have affected to have pretended to have denied it.

As we saw last week, the ideal marriage, in the abstract, is Dsci/Sdic: Perfect lovers, perfect mates, perfect parents, perfect partners forever. They fit together in the way that all other organisms somehow manage to fit together without maps. Accordingly, they have the most and the best-raised children. When you hear people say, “You can’t fake good kids” – they’re talking about this couple.

But that’s a hard target to hit, and all (more…)

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Why is love, sex, marriage and family a battlefield? Ci Blindness. I have the math to fix it.

Human civilization is nothing but the answer to this one monumentally important question: How does a nice guy go about getting a second date around here?Photo by: Kevin Dooley

Well, I’ve had a fruitful fortnight: Robert Tracinski went all Irrational Hagiographic on Ayn Rand and I segued that into a math of marriage. That’s impressive to me, at least, like juggling knives and incidentally carving the Thanksgiving turkey. If I make it look easy, that’s because it is.

I’ve put all the new marriage posts into a new category, so you can read them all, if you want. I have a book here, but I have three books this Summer, plus a few movies and a lot of other stuff. I understand human motivation better than I ever have before – which means better than yesterday and much better than last week. When the rest of the world catches up, amazing things are going to happen.

How do I know that’s so?

Because I can trouble-shoot marriages – by DISC profiles.

The work we did yesterday, establishing a rank-ordering of relative sociability by DISC type, also gives us a quick tool for predicting the future concourse of relationships according to the DISC profiles of the people making them up.

Don’t call me Doctor Marriage. All I have so far are mad-scientist theories built from LegoNumbers™ – from scaled estimates of human priorities. But: Still: The fallacy of reductionism results not from reduction but reduction to the inessential. When you have reduced to the essential, what you have is not fallacy but formulae.

So: Let’s get formulaic and see if we really can map the dance of marriage.

Start where we finished yesterday, with a rank-ordering of relative sociability among DISC types:

Another heading for that chart could be “Relative Amiability” – who will be easier to get along with, going forward, in any recurring social context – marriage, home, work, play, world-at-large? Working from the bottom up, who will require special handling to keep the relationship alive?

Accordingly, yet another heading could be “Relative Marriageability” – who will be a better spouse, right out of the box (more…)

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Am I being unfair to the Cautious and the Incandescent? Let’s do the math.

You get into the same jams again and again – the snags that never seem to snag anyone else – because you respond in the same way to the same situations over and over again.Photo by: tacit requiem (joanneQEscober )

Yesterday, Cathleen cautioned me about being unfair to the high-C and high-I temperaments. I understand and share her concern, but it was fun being chastised in my own language, anyway.

Very few people are fluent in this notation system, so far, and Cathleen is by far the best of the bunch. That’s only fair: I’ve been making her talk to me in DISC-my-way for ten years now. She’s been there for every new idea, and she contributed a lot along the way – especially, as here, with beneficial resistance.

So: First: What you are is what you are. You chose your value priorities before you could choose reliably in fully-conscious self-awareness. You woke up as a human being already practiced in the habits of mind that have driven your choices ever since – and chances are all of this is news to you.

Your will is free, but your DISC predispositions are formidable, and they will express themselves from long-standing habit in every real-life circumstance where you do not explicitly, consciously override them.

You get into the same jams again and again – the snags that never seem to snag anyone else – because you respond in the same way to the same situations over and over again.

If you insist that I cannot possibly know what I’m talking about – typically a Ci chaos-rejection display – I can poke you with rhetorical sticks over and over again, until your rejection amplifies into outrage. Why would you be outraged if I’m wrong? Ahem.

As we’ve discussed, the Cautious and Incandescent temperaments can be mission-critically invaluable at work, but they are devastating to human social relationships.

Why are nerds so often celibate? Why is it lonely at the top? Too much aggression in the social strategy, too little reciprocity in the value pursuit – both of which imply too much reptilian empathy.

I can quantify all of this – in (more…)

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Empathy tells all: Why are libertarians so hostile to marriage and family?

Do you see any room for a baby – an endlessly needy whining mammal that will never, ever pay back its monetary and opportunity costs – in there? That’s why you see so few babies among libertarians.Photo by: Lisa Rosario

[From September of 2014, an early take on the reproductive nightmare that is Ci culture. —GSS]

I wrote about the de facto anti-family stance of broadly-defined libertarianism a while back, but I understand the issue much better now.

So: Why are libertarians so hostile to marriage and family?

For the same reason they’re libertarian in the first place: Because they’re Cautious, as a rule, in their empathy strategies.

“Say what?!”

In my book Nine empathies, I rehabilitate a personality-type assessment known as the DISC assessment, itself a quick-’n’-dirty way of figuring our what people want and how they will go about getting it. By re-examining the DISC motivations as a matter of empathy strategies, I was able to illuminate the ensuing relationship dynamics in my next book, Shyly’s delight. I’m going to explain all that jargon in a minute, but first please take note of this fact: I am the only source of new theory in a host of disciplines of interest to people seeking less government. If you’re reading anyone but me, you are wasting precious time to your own peril.

The Grand Unifying Theory of Human Motivation – as taught to me by a turtle, and by an eternally-outraged human reptile.To read more about empathy, see me, feel me, touch me, heal me at Amazon.com.

The Grand Unifying Theory of Human Motivation – as taught to me by a turtle, and by an eternally-outraged human reptile.To read more about empathy, see me, feel me, touch me, heal me at Amazon.com.

Okay, start with empathy: In Nine empathies, I distinguish among two types of empathy – both based in our heritage as non-conceptualizing animals – mammalian and reptilian:

Mammals play and cuddle. What do reptiles do? They bask in perpetual fear. A reptile’s management of its own life consists of the obsessive micro-management of its environment. Reptiles pursue opportunities by avoiding risks, all as the result of genetic winnowing – fitness to breed – happening after birth rather than by mate selection.

If love is the default mental state of mammals, with the temporary interruption of playing (more…)

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Even if we manage to comb the Marxist lice out of our hair, a Ci culture still won’t have any kids.

“Look over there! It’s a future full of grandchildren!”Photo by: Vincent Anderlucci

I can’t imagine how I could stick my chin out any further. I am making hugely bold claims in hugely bold ways, and I am stunned that I’m getting away with everything, so far.

I’m not spoiling for a fight, and I am not arguing with you in any case. But it would be easy to throw all my favorite insults back in my face: “Greg, you are being be awfully Cautious in your Driven defenses – and how is this not reductionism?”

I smile. I have the game theory of everything, but theory is just a map. The work we’re doing here – right now, day by day, philosophy without a net – is interesting because my new map better-corresponds to reality:

DISC my way encapsulates everything beneath it, explaining phenomena that cannot be accounted for with other models.

So the other day, I demonstrated that, since all of official life is Ci, the official opponents of Ci Marxism cannot triumph. Worse news: It wouldn’t matter if they could. Ci is Ci, and, waving red flags or blue, a technocratic Ci culture will depopulate itself out of existence.

I’ve been talking about this for years – why libertarians, for example, don’t breed. I can explain this easily in DISC terms, and we addressed it yesterday in talking about The Prisoner’s Dilemma.

I take huge liberties with academic game theory games, so Ci’s can refuse to listen even harder, if that seems wise. Meanwhile, the relative lack of fecundity of every social and cultural strategy except for Ds is easily inferred from this chart:

Am I not playing fair? Mainstream game theory reduces relationships to interactions and interactions to transactions, even as it iterates events ad infinitum and refuses even to admit the possibility of escape – of free moral agency.

Every bit of this is false to the facts of human existence, so that sort of game theory ends up looking like robot theory to me: What would robots do if they didn’t take all those gooey, messy human diversions?

Another way of saying (more…)

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The Cautious and Incandescent temperaments are wonderful. Just don’t bring them home.

If you want more and deeper storgic relationships, they’re made out of your time, your presence and your whole-hearted, open-hearted commitment.Photo by: Alosh Bennett

After yesterday’s news, you might think I’m down on the Cautious and Incandescent DISC temperaments. There’s some truth to that, actually, but probably not as much as you’re imagining. In their turn, they don’t like me much, and it annoys them that I don’t wither under their withering scorn.

Dang. I’m Driven. I don’t take anything personally. You can’t lead if you’re not willing to turn your back on people, and that’s even easier for me: I know why they’re wrong, and they don’t even know they already lost the debate.

I use Facebook like a desk blotter, a space where I can jot things down so I can look at them. I wrote this this morning:

The Prisoner’s Dilemma in DISC:

C and I think D and S cooperate foolishly.

D and S think C and I betray suicidally.

That’s not just a joke, it’s a summation of two arguments:

1. By failing to take account of mutually-reciprocal empathy, the C and I predispositions introduce an error-cascade that leads people farther and farther away from truly-human values. Most tragically, as unilateral social strategies C and I cannot even conceive of storgic love – the love that can cooperate even into a known betrayal.

2. Because they don’t comprehend and practice storgic love, people with high(er)-C and high(er)-I temperaments will tend to damage long-term relationships over minor disputes. Accordingly, they will have fewer deep relationships, more broken relationships, fewer offspring and lonelier deaths.

Yikes! And it gets worse. Because of the Marxist Ci mutiny over what had been a Ds civilization, we live in a Ci world. Every bit of moral, social, career, family and martial advice will be C or I or both, never D or S. C and I ‘professionals’ don’t waste their time on gooey stuff, they grind away to their graves.

This is a triumph of juvenility, and this is why so many putative-adults waste their lives on juvenile pursuits. But in a sense, away from the workplace, all C (more…)

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