Cinema-of-the-mind: Sheesh! A romantic benedy in three acts.

Love conquers all? Surely there are limits…

For my friend Brian Brady, a movie that won’t be made, a flavor of satire informed by pathos:

Sheesh! A romantic benedy in three acts.

Gordon Gecko Goldblum – so named by his parents, who wanted to encourage his mercenary nature, but called ‘Geege’ by them and by everyone since childhood – adopts the name ‘Sheesh!’ when he becomes a transsexual as a mid-life career move.

Mercenary enough for you?

He chooses Sheesh! – with the exclamation point – for a number of reasons. First, if he can make his employers buy some of his crazy, he can make them buy it all. Moreover, that exclamation point simply begs for spin, each instance of which is evidence of a hostile work environment.

Sheesh! knows that if present trends hold, girls who pee standing up are the women of the future, and… heesh…? is proud to effect change from within the commercial real estate market. Heesh enjoys being a girl without a nasty open wound in his lap, and heesh struck a blow for all differently-equipped women when heesh forced the replacement of one of the stalls in the ladies room with two urinals.

Not content simply to tickle the ironies of sexual politics, Sheesh! converted to Islam. (“Like this is so hard. If you can say, ‘I surrender,’ you’re in.”) Now heesh wears elaborate headgear over the elaborate wigs heesh wears over hish balding pate – that and a tee shirt reading: ‘Hijab Hair, Don’t Care!’

Mercenary enough for you?

Maybe not. Is a lonely, angry, vengeful pretend woman so much more pathetic than the lonely, angry, frustrated man he was before? Every monster is a man, after all, and that man is ever too much your brother.

So consider his new financial adviser, young, fresh-faced and very much boner-bait to a woman with a boner.

That’s ‘Tootsie’ – with my own twists – but the story is here: What does she do, in the third act, when she has heard his Big Rationale speech?

Love conquers all? Surely there are limits…

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