Wanna make it big as a Hollywood screenwriter? Just take a weed-whacker to every testicle you see.

“Hey, hey, hey! Who’s your daddy?”

Photo by: Mike Mozart

Hollywood hates fathers. Who knew?

Just kidding. It’s an evergreen story, one that comes up every 18 months or so: ‘TV dads are dopes, dupes and dumb-asses.’ This trenchant essay is based on eight whole hours of intense TV-watching research, so strap yourself in tight before you click the link.

Meanwhile, for the benefit of anyone who wants to break into show-biz on the ugly-peoples’ side of the table, here are the rules for writing a Hollywood father:

1. A Hollywood dad can be absent, awful, inept or unrelated. Inept is the one that’s decried all the time, but actual screen-time for father-figures is almost always unrelated men – step-dads, boyfriends and especially mom’s own father – who, amazingly enough, is present, conscientious, competent and family-by-blood.

2. A man raising children in film or on TV cannot be a father: Masculine, firm, sure-footed, resolute, courtly, wise, fore-sighted, patient, tolerant, wry.

3. In his choices and behaviors, a present-and-ongoing Hollywood dad must simulate either an hysterical woman or a helpless child – or ideally both.

What’s the agenda?

• Much writing, like all Marxism, is patricide-by-proxy, so the kid going one-up one his dumb-ass dad again and again could just be more of the incessant puerile rebellion that makes the “entertainment” “business” possible.

• Arguably, Disney and others are grooming children wholesale for future exploitation. By undermining fatherhood, they weaken moral standards even as they displace morality’s real-world avenger.

• Everything of Marxism requires the elimination of the Hoplite father from the homestead, so continuously undermining fatherhood greases the works of the soul-shredding machinery.

• Best bet: The sleazy selling crazy to the lazy. “Entertainment” media is an habituated evasion – all of which are ‘as addictive as cocaine!!!’ What is being evaded by the “entertainment”? Self-responsible adulthood, including thoroughgoing parenthood. By what means? By ridiculing thoughtful maturity, especially masculine maturity.

There definitely IS a nefarious motive behind that: Rent-seeking. A world of adult-babies promises only catastrophe tomorrow – but look at all the corn chips and beer they’re buying today!

So: Whatever the agenda, it’s working. And the opportunity is ripe: It’s never been a better time to be an anti-father/anti-family/anti-future Hollywood hack.

Do you hate yourself enough to cash in on civilization’s pre-Dark Ages sale? The world’s gotta end somehow, after all. Might as well die laughing…

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  • Brian Brady

    My father pointed this out to me 30 years ago but he noticed it on Madison Ave. The script for the TV commercial was:

    1- Clueless dad wanders into kitchen, backyard, garage, etc and is flummoxed
    2- Kids roll eyes, astonished at how incompetent dad was
    3- Mom rescues dad, armed with newest cereal, garden hose, or hammer
    4- Kids cheer

    The debasement started but then , dad was still a hunter, dressed in a tie and overwhelmed with matters of the hearth. Today, career mom comes home to save beta-male dad after she did the hunting.

    Fathers are irrelevant in Hollywood and on Madison Ave, unless there are two of them

    • The Frist Law of Carney is: Never get in a sucker’s way. He’s dying to drop his ducats somewhere. If you’re just smart enough to get out of his way, he’ll throw some your way.

      The Second Law is even more predatory: Don’t eliminate the objecTIONS, isolate and eliminate the objecTORS.

      Hollywood and the Über state have a common enemy: Long-range time-preferences. Isolating and eliminating fatherhood makes it much easier to gull the remaining suckers.